I didn't wake up this morning. The sky remained a deep black hole in my consciousness, taking into itself all the matter at hand and out of hand. The moon rose and set, moving through all its phases in a fit of broken rem sleep... I jerked from left to right, sat up, went rigid, fell out bed, slept on the floor, walked to the bathroom, peed in my sleep.
Though what struck me was the lack of birdsong... where did they go, those early morning harbingers, calling light from darkness? But then again, where did the morning go, tumbling down a hill, out of control, head to toe, over and over: morning, not morning, full, half, quarter. Nothing was relevant, nothing was certain.
Time was warped and speeded up, and all the creatures great and small couldn't hold on. I was sending them on a dream voyage, on an electric ship, far away from the known and half-known, from grand theories to the waking life where dream and reality intermix and produce orphan children. There was one of every age of me in the layers of time, every second of my life bumping up against another... and another and another. I felt like Stanley Kubrick and Keir Dullea, making a psychedelic movie.
And at the center of it all, an exploding sun, the great and final flare, an eclipsed God and a universal law, the alpha and the omega: everything must end. I didn't wake up this morning, and neither did you.