mercredi 2 avril 2014

Dreaming


Thomas Ralph Spence - Sleeping Beauty

I dreamt I was
the mother of invention
I dreamt my wit
was the soul of brevity
I flew to the east
and married Archimedes
I flew to the west
and shook hands with Ben Franklin
I entered into a pact
with the Sandman:
No more marriages
At the tender age of 57
I am learning to love freedom
I am learning to love myself
 

samedi 22 mars 2014

every house



"Spiral patterns like that exhibited by R Sculptoris are generally due to a companion star..."

every house I lived in
had a death in it
a thick black tick
deleting fathers, brothers, mothers
leaving me out of doors
breaking windows
wandering like a foreigner
through new little towns
with woolen mills and
muddy lake beds
where I swam belly down
eyes down down down
falling always down
in a death spiral

samedi 15 mars 2014

The Making of Rain


Photo: Pigeons sitting in summer window by Marilyn Nosewicz 
I wrote this poem for Akira Kurosawa the day that he died... September 6, 1998.

I was an inmate of sadness
But I dried all my tears
And put away the madness
Of those melancholic years


The locked doors and the voices
The old crown of perdition
The cold reason of choices
The treason of tradition

And I blew it to an atom
With one puff of my mouth
And left behind my Sodom
For the garden of the south

Now I rest in this bright place
Perfumed with gardenia
Birds on my windowlace
Sontinas de España

And I realize the sadness
Is a part of the framework
And the isolating madness
Is a bulwark of a birthmark

And I justify the dullness
With the sadness that I've lost
Like an amnesiacal witness
To the holocaust of frost

I know that I could leave there
With one wave of my hand
And blow the frost to seafare
At the edge of this bright land

But I covet it like butter
On a renunciant's bread
And close up every shutter
And put myself to bed

To dream of the northland
And the cold bitter snows
That reduce every man's plan
And cover mouth and nose

To rest on her bosom
To hear her heart ticking
Puts an end to the flotsam
Puts an end to the thinking

I lay in this garden
And give myself to pain
And watch the south sky darken
And lend itself to rain

mardi 4 mars 2014

rehearsing

i had an insight
but just for a minute
and then it was spent
like every red cent
i lay my hands on

money comes and
money goes
like self-revelations
during early morning
anxiety attacks

you wake from 
the dream again
wanting to make
amends to everyone
you've harmed

you work out a
plan in your head
write a letter
pick up the phone
dial the number

and just before
they pick up
you get out of bed
and forget everything 
best laid plans

next month
i will make a budget
next month
i will speak with you
i'm rehearsing it
 
 

dimanche 23 février 2014

saumon


je suis devenue
un rare poisson
salé, roti
mangé, vomi
puis canalisé
domini domini
saint saumon
ses œufs
dans l'écume
des vagues
en hiver
gréco-romain
âme-âne
fille-femme
poison-poisson
nul en l'air
faire faillite
à la fin
de ses jours
celle-là
ange saumon

vendredi 17 janvier 2014

At the Stuck exhibit (working title)

Sin like a mirror
half-smiles at me as I cry
and if that's not enough
Lucifer is there to remind me
how lonely it gets
when your only light
is a pale crescent...
Am I Apollo or Dionysus?
I can't tell anymore
damned if I do and
damned if I don't on this
big dark canvas of
forever twilight
Like Sisyphus it's the
same hills same valleys
and if that's not enough
the sky is on fire
and I find the symbolist anchors
of my childhood
I lie like Judith
I seduce and I kill
and what I get is more revenge
than you can shake a stick at
my own reflection cast
back to me as Sin
and Pietà, Pietà will always be mine
Pity my sons do not love me


Frye Museum, Seattle
Franz von Stuck
January 16, 2014



samedi 11 janvier 2014

Ayia Marina


It's true, I loved you
my blue edges giving way
to your salty kiss
that warm summer sea
turquoise and flecked
with blooms of jellyfish
mountain vistas
it felt like bliss
it almost felt like health
my legs wrapped
tightly around your waist
as we crashed with
wave after wave
of classic tantra
laughing buddha
and for just a moment
one bright moment
we became children

lundi 6 janvier 2014

bitter dregs


Photo by Seth Anderson, "Bitter Dregs"

if i taste the bitter dregs
it's because i asked for them
to augment the pain

it's not enough that i left you
after the deep intimacy
that made us one body

now i'm bathing in the blood
of another restart
of my miserable heart

i don't know what is
wrong with me
that i can't fully love

but i know i must
stay alone
for the both of us

jeudi 28 novembre 2013

thanksgiving song


walking the path into darkness
you never know what is coming
but all you can do is walk
and keep walking and deal with
the good and the evil
you meet on the journey

fear must not paralyze you
because it's hills and valleys
and valleys and hills again
and then the sun after the
rainstorm that blew your
life to bits

but that sun feels so good
on your skin
your eyes are brightened
you stand tall and give thanks
for every moment you're free
and for all the good people

because after the storm you know
that you can survive anything
and the gratitude you feel
is boundless and whole
and you know for a fact that
you've been transformed

you know for a fact
that you're human

dimanche 20 octobre 2013

my appetite is for freedom


i don't know what i want
that much is evident
it's never enough when
my freedom is in question

cold leg of lamb
roast pork 
applesauce
salad with gingered walnuts
it doesn't matter
one taste is as good as an another
when you've lost your freedom

but just get a hint of it again
and everything is back
everything is beautiful
you want to eat it all

then lose it
and it's in the garbage disposal
ground down
and tasteless

dimanche 13 octobre 2013

un dernier mot


Duel de Brigitte Fontaine

Tu ne me fais pas peur
J'avance en douceur
Sous les orangers en fleur

Tu cherches la bagarre
Oh madame noire
Attention tu vas l'avoir

J'ai des armes qui vont te plaire

Engageons le combat
Une reine un roi
Une lionne et un cobra

A la vie à la mort
Qui est le plus fort ?
On ne le sais pas encore

Deux sorciers
Le bronze et l'acier
Le bronze et l'acier

Un regard lancé
Flèche ou bien fusée
La partie est commencée

Un mot de dédain
Cracher avec soin
Attéri dans ton jardin clos

Je me change en rat
Je me change en chat
Je me change en méchant loup
Je me change en caillou

Je te veux vivant
Tu n'as que du vent

Ton poignard
Comme un goéland
S'est perdu dans le brouillard
Froid

Je défie le roi
Je m'en fous prends moi
Je connais par coeur
Tes numéros de bonne soeur
Tes numéros de bonne soeur

Je t'aime
Je ne te crois pas
Tu n'aimes que toi
Je ne m'aime pas

Je vois en toi
Une ?
Viens je t'emmène un peu plus loin
Je crie dans le feu
La jolie musique
Je maudis ton dieu
Dieu que j'aime tes yeux hérétiques
J'ai les bras cloués
On va nous saigner
Sur ton oranger
Dieu que j'aime ta nudité
Tu me brules et tu me crucifix
Amie
Tu me prends la vie
Et je rends les armes à l'amour

Tu me ne fais pas peur
Tu as pris mon coeur l'honneur
Je m'incline à toi

samedi 12 octobre 2013

Stretto Café, Thessoloniki


left Egnatias
right Ionos Dragoumi
left Basileos Irakleiou
sure sure whatever
I missed that one
but that's all right
I'm on Komninon now
and then Tsimiski
walking in the wrong direction
cross the street
double back and
there you are
25 beautiful fruits
in the sun
drinking coffee

mercredi 9 octobre 2013

my double mind


Image: Sita Sings the Blues by Nina Paley

yes, there's that double mind of mine
the one that's like my mother
the one that's not going to take
any more shit from you

you can criticize me all you want
send me to hell and back
but there's one thing you can't have
and that's my soul in tatters

i'm going to fix my eyes
directly in front in me
and walk out of here
with my head held high

and if that's like my mother
then bless her heart
and bless her soul
and bless her eyes


vendredi 27 septembre 2013

just feelings


Image by Victoria Tweed

if i wrote a poem tonight 
it would be about finding
a thousand forgivenesses 

it would roar and scratch
lick its wounds and then
saunter off into the jungle

it would jump into the sea
from an 80-foot height and then
rise from blue-green algae

it might open its mouth
breathe from its belly
it would be hissing and yowling

it doesn't matter
whatever it was would be
better than nothing

but i'm not brave tonight
i have no deep wisdom
just feelings


vendredi 20 septembre 2013

On Thought


Girl with a Book by José Ferraz de Almeida Júnior

Fantasy, it's all fantasy
We live our lives as we dream
make our decisions
strum the strings of mind
plunge blind into the misbegotten
jump for joy in the sublime

I've long ago forgotten
to believe in fate and reason
We pursue our fantasy
like fruit in season
The test of time rests unrelenting
upon the tree of life

Believe and you will see
Project and you will be
Mind above all, fate below
Secure yourself in the afterglow
The senses fade, the will begins
Thought is our begin again


(May 16, 1997)

vendredi 13 septembre 2013

Lost in the echo

this is my quit smoking song... and a whole lot more! subtitles on the video...
can you dig it? ~L




dimanche 25 août 2013

Sparrow in Hell



I know nothing about
foundations or cellars
I'm not squirreling away
nuts for winter
or laying slabs of concrete
And that storm that's overhead?
Let it bring the best and
brightest lightning
Let it burn this shack to ashes
or shake it from its berth
in middle earth
Let it bleed spirit from
black and blue space
Let hell unleash its nine circles
and let Cerberus bark and yelp to
keep me back from the river Styx
My foot is already passing o'er it
and damn it, as always
as cruel and as fast as disaster
I cannot attach
and I am not afraid

mercredi 21 août 2013

double peine


pour A.B.


la pluie tombe sans cesse
sur ma tête mes pieds glaces
la fleuve columbie dégage
comme un océan
et je me demande
de la patience
pour une fin du monde

à l'archipel de japon
des autres seismes forts
bougent l'un après l'autre
les gens s'embrassent
terrorisés en pleurant
on ne les reproche pas
un instant et tout change

14 mars tu es parti
après avoir disparu
dans tes vêtements
je pensais que j'avais vu
ta main faire signe
mais trop vite
au coin de mes yeux

trois ans déjà
un an que fukushima
crachait de son MOX
ce n'est pas antibiotique
pour guérir nos maux
il ne pouvait pas te sauver
à la fin sans cheveux

nous non plus
nous non plus
laisse la pluie tombe
disant tout
les vagues
sans cesse
sur nos têtes nues


Je ne fume plus - This is not Armageddon


more like new beginnings...

the sea told me
she loved me today
when she swept me up
and made me buoyant

the sky did too
a big blue dahlia
breathing into my skin
an eternal openness

sometimes i think
i can bear anything
then i cry
and it's over

this is not armageddon
this is an earthsong
this is not armageddon
this is a life that must be lived


 

mardi 13 août 2013

Je ne fume plus - What I love best


you know what i love best?
the things that are hardest
the things i can't do well
like dance

tell me to go right, i'll go left
i'm movement dyslexic
but i'll dance my heart out
and somehow or other
it will make me feel beautiful

i need to apply that
to "je ne fume plus"
maybe i can learn
to say "no"
and somehow or other
it will make me feel beautiful

Je ne fume plus - Forgiving


okay i loved too much
came too fast
stayed too long
wrought havoc
anything you wanted
you got it

like a superlative
like a gift
repeated in the back
of a minivan
or high above a cliff
falling, failing

sprouting wings now
i'm flying solo
i'm not going anywhere
i'm not coming or going
i'm just standing here
forgiving myself




vendredi 9 août 2013

Je ne fume plus - Astoria Astoria


I'm sitting in an Athens cafe bar
on the corner of Fillelinon and Notara
and it's called Astoria, New York
That's where I was born
56 long years ago to a
Jew who didn't know it
who married a Greek for her fourth marriage
who dragged me around to every
state in the union only to
leave me on foreign doorsteps
when the going got tough
She still expects a lot
but there's something inside me
that just can't be bothered

Somehow I wound up in
Astoria, Oregon in 2001
It wasn't a town I would have chosen
but I struck a deal to stay there 5 years
with my fourth husband
and afterwards we'd move to France
We stayed there 12 years
before he reneged and I left him
clutching to his sad little life
and searching his third wife
I guess we addicts never give up
looking for perfect love
And my kids, surveying all the damage
they just can't be bothered

ωραία! (oréa!) my beautiful "astoria" salad.


mercredi 7 août 2013

Je ne fume plus - Take no prisoners


I'm not going to blame you
you're as much a prisoner
in this game as I am
this game that is no game
because there are no winners
no losers, just cruisers, actors

I have no idea who you are
how could I after only a year
with all the running to and fro
blood hot, blood cold
because I could not sit still
because you stood your ground

I was never what you wanted
a few pieces that were pliable
if I tried hard enough
I might fit inside this berth
travelling at 50,000 mph
but I don't want to

No I don't want to do this anymore
somewhere there's a star above
and it's calling my name, Laura
and it's hollering, Stop!
and it's deep deep deep in myself
and it is myself

vendredi 2 août 2013

Je ne fume plus – Deserts


Where will the metaphor take me next,
Iceland, Paris, Tibet?
So many deserts of loneliness.

I came to Greece
on court and spark:
No one could stop me.

You can have anything you want
if you're willing to
sell your soul for it.


mardi 23 juillet 2013

Je ne fume plus - In My Dreams


In my dreams
I can smoke a million cigarettes
and it doesn't matter
In my dreams
I can touch your cheek
and you smile back at me
My grandson waves
through the curtains
My old Siamese
climbs into my lap
Venus still sets
over the Acropolis

There are days
I don't want to wake up
When day dreams
aren't enough
Yet I go on
and on and on and on
in spite of myself
Set the mechanical heart
Break an egg into a cup
Sweep, mop, wash and brush
Then fold myself up
ready for my dreams

jeudi 18 juillet 2013

Je ne fume plus - Evening


When the day is done
sadness comes
like ruinous 
like heavy
like undone

I climb into bed
and the thoughts rain down
until I'm drowning
and all i can wish for
is a swimming lesson

the horizon is lost
purple to dark
under coverlets
with music in my ears
to remind me of

everything i've done
everything i didn't do
how i was never enough
and now how alone i am
because of it

je ne fume plus
in the evenings
nothing can help
this sadness
so I must go with it

when i wake 
before dawn
i'll shake it from my hips
and detach my lips
from its kisses

lundi 8 juillet 2013

Je ne fume plus - High Noon


A hundred degrees on my head,
a splitting headache--
Split me down the middle
and set free all the rage,
the grief, the regrets
that crowd around
these screaming neurons.

I've had enough of you,
oh my children...
I wove your boundless bodies,
birthed you, twisted you
so many times around my fingers,
my hands might fall off.
Even if you are my own inventions
I'm sick to death of this:
I wish the best for you,
Can you wish the best for me?
Can we be friends now?

Split me down the middle
empty me of all the
sullen push and pull
I practiced for so long,
I sucked into my lungs,
I swallowed like a whore,
then fill me with
enough joy and will
that I might go on.

vendredi 5 juillet 2013

Je ne fume plus - Waking


A million new memories
break upon the rocky shore
of my resonating body--
I'm waking up in a dream about
doing things without cigarettes,
completing an action,
finding a rest stop,
pausing to take in the emptiness of
long silences I can still abide.
My arms lie at my sides,
my feet are on a pillow:
the whole world seems inverted.
I sigh as I realize that old memories 
will cling to neurotransmitters
and leak upon my bed 
until I rise and apply 
what might be called forgetting
but better yet is called begetting
because je ne fume plus is an action
more than a thought 
and must be practiced.
So I get up and live
my newest history.

dimanche 2 juin 2013

Kate Bush - Snowflake

for Joseph...

"The world is so loud. Keep falling. I'll find you."

lundi 27 mai 2013

lost day


those days when
you don't know
where to begin

the emptiness
surrounding you
like a chicken coop

a list
an action
anything at all

to make the blood
course again
to push back the stress

to be able to say
i did something today
i did something ...


samedi 25 mai 2013

Out of the Insanity


"You're as insane as the rest of them,"
the silence tells me.
"You're not special."

Somehow this is comforting to me
as I melt into the walls of
the back bedroom.

Sometime ago, I ran away from a life
that was thrust on me
like an avalanche.

I spent 16 painful years,
then lost a lot of weight
and quit eating wheat things.

Yes, I got my will back
albeit by giving it away
but I'm not done yet:

Something is screaming at me to

run even faster now because
insanity is catching

And I'm so susceptible:
Action is nice but action's not enough
when it isn't human.

Underneath it all
like a loaded pistol
your diction

And my freedom
won from the bottom up
is all I have left

mercredi 15 mai 2013

night rhapsody


so much daylight in a day
my own face is revealed to me
sallow and blemished

when nighttime comes
i pull the sheet over my head
and become fully invisible

birds are still singing
orange trees are still blooming
cars go roaring by my apartment

i hear, see, taste and smell
in that third eye that
sleeps above the world

lundi 13 mai 2013

Missing You

I've got to get a life,
somebody else's perhaps,
for mine is fading fast,
its signposts,
its diagnoses,
its daylight.

My child,
sometimes i miss you so much
that i can't feel you,
though i dream you,
hold your little feet,
call you "baby".

Do you miss me like that
late at night when
your anxiety comes on,
relief ten digits away,
clear as a bell my
voice across the wires?

samedi 11 mai 2013

logger meltdown


the logger meltdown is coming
the long haul into anger and despair
our silences deep holes
left by the huge tree trunks
and the unbearable noise in our ears
as we pull a hundred times our weight
through bramble and brush
and roll the logs into the river

we'll be tired and drunk by sundown
if we haven't up and quit

mardi 7 mai 2013

pas de courage


too hard
it's all too hard
and i'm forgetting
what i've always known:
love is nothing

not enough time
to get my act together
not enough strength
to begin again
why bother

when this comfortable
hole is waiting like
an unmade bed
inviting me to
lie down in it

now that's easy
easy as pie
which is not so easy
after all is said and done
it's the crust that counts

taken to the extreme
it's a long road to death
and my patience
is wearing as thin
as my skin

too old
too old to keep up appearances
I was riding on a cloud
but lightning struck
and told me the truth

mercredi 20 mars 2013

skin division



http://tylerpreece.tumblr.com/

running my nails down your back
i picked up coconut flakes and corpuscles
mud and diamonds, salt and iron
all the dna i would ever need
to love or accuse or become you:

for love knows no direction
in its first passionate seconds
except the transfer of skin
and whether it dies or lives
is a question of division:

will i be more myself tomorrow
than i was before we paired
or will i lose myself in you
and strangle this affair?

and do you see me as the bride
who has so much to do
or was i made to placate you
and all your changing moods?

the questions are exponential
and never written in code
it's a miracle we divide at all
with such pathetic souls

beneath my nails, your skin turns
from fairy dust to globules
thickens and combines with
the callouses on my fingertips:
there is no scraping you away

mardi 23 octobre 2012

Millennium Song

Millennium Song, a poem-turned-song I wrote on New Year's Eve, 1999...



Eve of the millennium 
And what do I feel 
Despair and tribulation 
Deep sadness and fear 

A night of introspection 
Not a thread of what's real 
As the TV drones on 
With reports of world cheer 

Each countdown a letdown 
Each hour more pain 
As I lay on the couch 
Coffee cup in my hand 

Singing my own song 
A silent refrain 
It takes more than millennium 
To make a grain of sand 

(More than a grain of sand 
More than a grain of sand)

mardi 18 septembre 2012

Innamoramento - Mylène Farmer translation



Toi qui n'a pas su me reconnaître 
You who didn't know how to recognize me
Ignorant ma vie, ce monastère, j'ai 
Ignoring my life, this monastery, i have 
Devant moi une porte entrouverte 
In front of me a door partly open 
Sur un peut-être 
On a maybe 
Même s'il me faut tout recommencer
Even if I have to start all over again

Toi qui n'as pas cru ma solitude 
You who did not believe my solitude 
Ignorant ses cris, ses angles durs, j'ai 
Ignoring its cries, its hard angles, I have 
Dans le coeur un fil minuscule 
In my heart a minuscule thread 
Filament de Lune 
A filament of Moon 
Qui soutient là, un diamant qui s'use... 
That supports a diamond that is worn out... 
Mais qui aime
Yet that loves...

J'n'ai pas choisi de l'être
I didn't choose to be it
Mais c'est là, "l'Innamoramento"
But there it is, the Innamoramento
L'amour, la mort, peut-être
Love, death, perhaps
Mais suspendre le temps pour un mot
But to suspend time for a word 
Tout se dilate et cède à tout 
Everything is dilated and cedes to all
Et c'est là, "l'Innamoramento" 
And there it is, the Innamoramento 
Tout son être s'impose à nous 
Its entire being is imposed on us 
Trouver enfin peut-être un écho
To find perhaps an echo...

Toi qui n'a pas vu l'autre côté, de 
You who haven't seen the other side, of 
Ma mémoires aux portes condamnées, j'ai
My memories at the gates of hell, I have
Tout enfoui les trésors du passé
Buried all the treasure of the past
Les années blessées 
The wounded years 
Comprends-tu qu'il me faudra cesser...
Don't you understand that I have to stop...
Moi qui n'ai plus regardé le ciel, j'ai
I who no longer look at the sky, I have

Devant moi cette porte entrouverte, mais 
Before me this partly open door, but 
l'inconnu a meurtri plus d'un coeur 
The unknown has murders many a heart 
Et son âme soeur 
And its sister soul 
On l'espère, on l'attend, on la fuit même
One hopes for it, one waits for it, one flees from it even
Mais on aime
But one loves...
J'n'ai pas choisi de l'être
I didn't choose to be it
Mais c'est là, "l'Innamoramento"
But there it is, the Innamoramento
L'amour, la mort, peut-être
Love, death, perhaps
Mais suspendre le temps pour un mot

But to suspend time for a word 
Tout se dilate et cède à tout 
Everything is dilated and cedes to all
Et c'est là, "l'Innamoramento" 
And there it is, the Innamoramento 
Tout son être s'impose à nous 
Its entire being is imposed on us 
Trouver enfin peut-être un écho
To find perhaps an echo...