mardi 29 juin 2010

confessions of a dope fiend pain patient

i've been running too long
on cigarette smoke and pills
i've been cruising on crises
not even my own
i don't know when to stop or let go
like a fast train my mind
clips the mountain's edge
and then runs right over it

my teeth are all broken
my legs are immobile
yet i don't know my angst level
can't feel my own gains or losses
i say i want to be there for you
fix me fix you fix everything
but i'm already sleeping when
it's time to press the enter key

it's too hard to be human
it's easier to be figurative
it's damn easy to find a cause
when you're running away from yourself
when there's nothing left but
time and cigarettes and you're rich
what else could you need
but a decent night's sleep

i used to think i was a genius
pat myself on the back for it
like it was my birthday every day
the wise men found a star
and followed it to a barn
but i've lost my pathfinders
lost them to the zen
of a three times daily five-alarm fury

i'm ready to make a change
i've been saying that for 14 years
i'll sweat it out vomit hallucinate
whatever it takes because
i'm dying from it i know it
'cause i'm a genius 
my mother told me
just before she went out the door

and i got a father too ain't lyin'
hired a spy to find me in 1993
although he forgets about '79
when i called him the first time
and he said "sorry just can't
'cause my dad and i had our glass
shook our hands and
that was that"

i didn't understand it then
told him i understood it now
but even then he couldn't cop to it
i guess we're all just cowards
all of us geniuses who
stick out like wankers
with our winsome mannerisms
and our tunnel visions

i'll close with this:
each bloody war we're fighting is illegal
and i'm damn sorry i missed your call
i'll always try to be there for you
but now is the time for
all good men to turn inward
where we hope for a cash cow
and an easy detoxification

1 commentaire:

Pisces Iscariot a dit…

Laura: My humblest apologies for not visiting for ages
"all good men to turn inward" - not sure if I'm a good man but that's where I've been, that's where I am.

As usual you genius shines though as blinding honesty - this is a beautiful poem, beautiful and fragile,