the DEA is killing me

a unpoetic rant about the end of oxycontin...

the DEA* is taking away my life

the little life i was left with 15 years ago

when pain ascended from hell

and took over my brain and body

like some great martyrdom

i have born it all

with the help of oxycontin

the most sensitive core of me

is light on its feet

it cannot support opioid medications

they put me to sleep

and render me helpless

with no ability to concentrate

nauseated nodding slumbering

with dreams like strange movies

but one was different: oxycontin

it took away my pain and

woke me up to a new reality

enabled me to have a life

to sit and write or watch a movie

without falling asleep at the denouement

or struggling to finish what i started

but now the DEA has declared

that doctors are under the gun

and all the states are pressuring doctors

to relinquish that one narcotic

that has given me life with less pain

without half-wittedness

and they are all falling in line

like doctors did before the fascists

and with about as much compassion

first my doctor said there were "side effects"

and i never was sure what she meant

and then others followed with "we understand

but we can no longer prescribe it"

so how about trying methadone

that highly addictive poison from which

one in a thousand die in the first five days

it's only $30 per month and though we haven't

studied it much "if i were a gamblin' man

in a casino i'd put my money on it"

well doctor i've tried it

and for a month i did not wake up

well there's long-acting morphine

puts you right into the arms of morphée

and you can stay there for a thousand days

dream away pain wake up in nightmares

and sweat feel like vomiting

then stumble around like a drunken cow

looking for a toilet to throw up in

doctor i've tried it and for a month

i never woke or sat up

and when i did i was sick as a dog

fentanyl patches perhaps

of course you do have tachycardia

which will put you at risk for

a heart attack from hell

and even though two of your friends

with the same illness as you

had anaphylactic shock from it

and another one's heart went to 190

we can prescribe that one

no doctor i refuse a medication

that i know will bring my heart

to the breaking point

poison poison poison

well there is the new opana

based on oxymorphone like oxycontin

but two times stronger

so if you are sensitive to opioids

it's guaranteed to make you sleep

plus there's no "high" like oxycontin

(whatever that means)

oh yeah i see

the end of pain that i experience

the rush of relief ist jetzt verboten

the DEA is killing me

by denying this pain patient of 15 years

the one medication that offered her

a life without narcolepsy and nightmares

without nausea and disenfranchisement

they told doctors to give up prescribing it

because they didn't adhere to the rules

didn't take it seriously enough

and now everyone wants it

and some are dying from abusing it

i always took it seriously

i adhered to the rules for over 10 years

but that counts for nothing

nothing at all i'm doomed

sick as i am on my little couch bed

i could still have a small life

stay in touch with friends and family

write a letter listen to music read an article

no it wasn't perfect it's been damn lonely

but oxycontin relieved the pain

left me awake and alive

and now they are denying me it

there are no alternatives

i cannot live with this pain

untreated or undertreated

i will die from it quickly

for i refuse to live in unending pain

or over-drugged and unconscious

the DEA is killing me

and not only me but many pain patients

who were given back their lives

in small but important ways

thanks to oxycontin

*DEA - the federal Drug Enforcement Agency