samedi 22 octobre 2011

a woman song

Laura Nyro

time, i've almost forgotten thee
as if you or i never existed
the listless hours spent
scanning row after row
of movie covers on the roku
while my limbs are ricocheting
off the couch cushions
kicking away the blankets
then lying very still so as
not to awaken more demons

it's a time of teacups and pain meds
and i find that i'm addicted
to coffee again
just to have something warm and
flowing to fill the deep hole
the steam swirling about me now
a white fog that reminds me
that my brain is dying
and how time dies away
when the dignity of unique thought
and my passion for words has fled
as readily as i was born with it

grief knows no time
it ridicules all escape clauses
like trying to read a book
when i can't remember
the last paragraph i just read
or picking up the book
only to realize i'm reading the
same chapter for the fourth time
and i don't realize it
until i'm halfway done
and then i can't remember
what will happen next

i'm watching gods and monsters
as passionately as a child
watches her favorite movie
over and over learning
and relearning the songs
do adults do this too i wonder
as i slip into a wormhole
i'll wake up like arthur c. clarke
on a strange new planet
or rip van winkle with 20 years gone
knowing no one

time is forgetting all about me
and everything i accomplished
i think about laura nyro
and that "one child born in a
world to carry on to carry on"
like her, i only wanted freedom
i too drove away demons
and hit refresh but it's never any use
i'm left with my own woman song
and a little bit of time to forget
the treason of chronic illness
even as i will be forgotten

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