stuff in boxes

i don't know where anything is

but i can't think about it

because the chaos that's around me

begins to tap tap tap at my head

until i'm crazy

my house is filled with boxes

a melange of documents

perfume bottles and birthday cards

vitamin pills carved gods

novels and japa malas

a scarf i bought on a whim

last year at a thrift shop

or the dvd of a concert i saw

in 2004

god help me if i need to find

my passeport or tax return

or the vitamin d because 

my levels are low

or the gold-flecked scarf

to tie around my throat

because it's cold

chaos has entered my house

and taken over my stuff

and not just in my house

but in my head

and not just in my head

but in my body

an extension of this illness

no less painful than

my right trapezius
nor less nauseating
than my vertigo

no i can't go there

i just leave it alone

the piles of garbage

the dust and the boxes

and the knowledge that

inside are the precious objects

of my life before chaos