lundi 2 février 2009

i need a poem

i need something

anything perhaps

i'm bored and flat
i'm getting fat and flabby

waiting around for

another idea to
take me
into a
stratosphere of sound
i'm too silently wound
tight as a drum and dull

my arms hurt like hell as
i work the keyboard
my eyes catch a
glimpse of film
sex with sound, wow!

and i think with a laugh
perhaps what i need is
a good fuck like that!
but then sigh out loud

'cause that's no cure at all
for what pains me

it's too temporary
corporeal and
it's violent
as hell

no, i need a poem

that fits me better than
any sexy trick
in the book
it assuages
my sense
of worthlessness

it gets me out into

public life and sends

waves of being into this
otherwise tepid nothingness

needs needs needs hound me

day and night and keep
fighting, seeking
, hoping for
something fresh
, something true
to wake me up
out of
this lousy nightmare

but a good poem
a good cigar
takes off the edge
sucks out the foam from
my diminishing brain

and lets it breathe again

a good poem

i need a good poem
could be yours but
ought to be mine
i can't live my life
without writing
i don't want to live
i can't think to put words to it
to that which has no words
i love my children
my friends
i love my man for what he is
but a good poem
is like
being able to
after suffocating

like food after a rescue
from seven days in
the desert
no umbrella no water
a good poem
come after prayer

it comes on the backs
of all the bad ones that

i've writ in despair
it comes when you say
enough of this crap
this laziness and pain!

i'm gonna write one today

and to hell with this brain!

ok i can't think,
i admit it!

can barely feel to think

ok i'm caught like
a stupid seal
in a tuna net and
no one
to rescue it
so what?

i'll act as if i am able
try a line or two

break out of myself

and force a tune
even if it's dissonant
hell and obtuse

a good poem

this is not a good poem

but it's a poem
on which i'll build
one of the weak ones that
lead to success

that bring me to myself
in this dark place
there will never be another life
in which to do it
never another moment

like this one, seize it!
and what comes of it will be
a testament
to my will:
and for that
a nod
toward heaven
and a nod toward hell
just for the thrill

just to know i'm alive
that i write!
just to know
something anything!
i will try my hand
i will pry open my
corroded, aging brain
and a poem will be had
good or bad

pas de grave!

it's how i know what i know
i write it and it simply is
my body
broken for thee
take of it and eat

and remember me

Moineau, Writing. Watercolor by Ron Walker.

5 commentaires:

JHB a dit…

A little miracle in grays and tans, dear friend. No, when the brain or whatever seems like a Bicq run out of ink, you roll the point up the damned hill again anyway, just because you can.

Moineau En France a dit…

i'm really moved... thank you, dear one. xoxoox

Pisces Iscariot a dit…

Wow! A tumble of words down a literate hillside :)
One thing never fails for me:
Plug Nick Cave's "No More Shall We Part" into your earphones and just start writing any old words - they will coagulate under this spell into something more than ideas.

Moineau En France a dit…

thanks, pisces, yippee! that would work; i love that song. believe it or not, i just discovered that song and nick cave about two months ago when downloading some leonard cohen songs and immediately downloaded it along with about ten others. where had i been all my life?

i'm guessing that you don't speak french but i have a similar relationship with alain bashung. you might check him out; his sound is deep, mélancolique and dramatic. my favorite album is "l'imprudence" and then "bleu pétrole" and "fantasie militaire". other songs incl. "la nuit je mens" ("at night, i lie", as in tell lies), "ode à la vie", and "les mots bleus" ("blue words"). i think you will like him, pisces.

Pisces Iscariot a dit…

I'll check him out Thanks Laura - re Nick Cave, i suggest you get your hands on the album 'No More shall we part' especially the first track "As I sat sadly by her side" sublime!