mardi 5 janvier 2016

Sunset Boulevard

Quarter to four
The lights are on
in the hallway
The kitchen lights too
just in case she gets up
but she's not getting up
She's not here
She's in the hospital
transferred from ICU
to Med-Surg
and she's sleeping hard
finally disconnected
from all those wires

No it's me who's up
wandering around her
apartment, bitter
anxious and depressed
knowing she's going
to fight me
on every front
and not just me
but everyone
with her repartee
her razor wit
and her stubbornness

I don't know
what to do
I've got PTSD
a mile long
as I stand in her kitchen
reeking with stale smoke
and plug in the coffee
Five o'clock
and I'm watching
Divine in "Polyester"
recognizing the insanity
of my own family
and asking myself
what my duty is
when nothing I can
say or do
will fix a lifetime
of her martyrdom

God forgive me
I'm human but
I'm asking
I'm trying to listen
as I go quiet
turn off the television
take out the garbage
and head to the hospital
I can't even cry
I can't feel anything
I can't live on
Sunset Boulevard
It's no longer
my address

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