necessary boundaries

my little closet is being invaded

by beautiful alien youths in dreadlocks

i wish i could open the windows

and sing hallelujah with the angels

but i have nothing to say when

my sickness is so thick, lodged in

a slow, one-track brain, throat

raw and closed, body in full pain

i tuck away the poems and

grands écrans, brush my hair

paint on a mona lisa smile

but my eyes cannot hide my

fear of the intrusion upon this 

stark and naked room

my guilt is over the top 

for i love youth so much

who reach out from busy lives

to visit a cripple in her dive

i wish my mind were an open sky

free of these hard boundaries

the closed quarters of this

caged bird will go down in

history as a complex loom

from which i wove the terms of

my own shame and aloneness

in the end i always relent and say

let it not be so, throw open

the gates and let them come

and come what may because

i judge myself the worst in

proportion to this suffering

yet i cannot draw the blinds on pain

emanating from my half closed

eyes and vacuous speech

the most basic of truths is

that i am sick with a virulent

virus and today like most days

i have no good thing to say

dear youth, please forgive me

when i sink in that blue pool

the wallows of self-pity
that turn from liquid to ice
any trace of self-worth

i want more than anything

to dance a waltz with you

and rejoice in your successes

to speak french like a frenchman

but no matter the language

i'm mute and sick and fed up

and I cannot receive you today