dimanche 30 janvier 2011

necessary boundaries

my little closet is being invaded
by beautiful alien youths in dreadlocks
i wish i could open the windows
and sing hallelujah with the angels
but i have nothing to say when
my sickness is so thick, lodged in
a slow, one-track brain, throat
raw and closed, body in full pain

i tuck away the poems and
grands écrans, brush my hair
paint on a mona lisa smile
but my eyes cannot hide my
fear of the intrusion upon this 
stark and naked room

my guilt is over the top 
for i love youth so much
who reach out from busy lives
to visit a cripple in her dive
i wish my mind were an open sky
free of these hard boundaries

the closed quarters of this
caged bird will go down in
history as a complex loom
from which i wove the terms of
my own shame and aloneness

in the end i always relent and say
let it not be so, throw open
the gates and let them come
and come what may because
i judge myself the worst in
proportion to this suffering

yet i cannot draw the blinds on pain
emanating from my half closed
eyes and vacuous speech
the most basic of truths is
that i am sick with a virulent
virus and today like most days
i have no good thing to say

dear youth, please forgive me
when i sink in that blue pool
the wallows of self-pity
that turn from liquid to ice
any trace of self-worth

i want more than anything
to dance a waltz with you
and rejoice in your successes
to speak french like a frenchman
but no matter the language
i'm mute and sick and fed up
and I cannot receive you today

4 commentaires:

moigo a dit…

I can feel the trapped spirit that wants to waltz with youth and "sing allelujah with angels". You express so well the range of emotions that this plight calls up. It's a heart breaker. I learn so much from your poems.

bluerose a dit…

I know these days, and the emotions you so eloquently express.

Moineau En France a dit…

thank you, bluerose. i've been feeling "extra" sick the last 10 days, it just goes on and on. all i can do is let the poetry help me get through it... thanks always for your support and kindness. xoxoxoxoox

bluerose a dit…

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your writing is helping, and that you're feeling better soon. I've been feeling a little better lately, and I know how therapeutic poetry has been for me.