nothing day

Tableau: Melancolie par Constance-Marie Charpentier, 1801

this nothing day

this emptiness this melancoly

someone knocked at my door

and i had to answer it, or did i?

but i did like an idiot

father and son sell chocolate bars

in their boy scout uniforms

i feel like a fool in my striped pyjamas

i buy a crispy crunch for two bucks

and then eat it up in one gulp with closed eyes

big fucking deal

two clocks set to remind me

of my 12 o'clock meds

they both went off and i forget

how little is left of my consciousness

how little is left

twelve teeth, twelve poems

perhaps twelve friends

the best one dead, my daughter

that anniversary just days away

another movie, another cup of coffee

another charm to keep away the dolor

i'm whispering with my fingers

whispering like wind through leaves

like dreams through sleep

a big hole in my heart drains the blood

i need to carry oxygen

my ears hear, my eyes see

but there is no response

my brain is dying faster than my feelings

the only thing driving me is

this need to write a poem

and even that, dear readers

as you can see

alludes me