dimanche 27 février 2011

where would i be

where would i be today
without this pain i suffer
and the mental anguish
that comes of it

i remember myself optimiste
burning to rescue the world
out on a limb as far as i could get
without breaking it

in cubicles of busyness
pencil and phone in hand
answering every request
bureaucrat par excellence

or driving in my car
to the far reaches of oregon
to impart the connaissance
to starving teachers

now and then i lay my hands
on someone's cold body
spreading a cosmic force
into frozen molecules

i sat in temples and
meditated myself into ecstacy
chanting the holy name
all 108 or 108,000 of them

washing the deities
washing the feet of mastery
brushing against enlightenment
but never quite merging with it

cradling my infants
close to my breast
as they grappled with their mouths
to get hold it

i remember running
far and wide on the earth
making friends and
eating dirt

costuming myself
in yards of saris
or with the proletarian cap
lodged on my big head

would i be further along
in my quest for the essential
or would i still be spinning
the old broadcloth of dissention

where oh where would i be today
without this pain i suffer
and the mental anguish
that comes of it

2 commentaires:

moigo a dit…

What an interesting question - where would you be now if it hadn't been for the pain? I love the way you bring it down to would you be involved in a "quest for the essential" or with the "broadcloth of dissension"? (Hope I got that right - brain a mess today.) I tend to believe both although I know it's hard to merge the two. I'm happy for you that you have those sweet memories of children and that you were able to travel that spiritual path. But I know that sometimes it is hard to avoid the question of what might have been.

Moineau En France a dit…

it really is... another vsp said on one of my poems--the christams poem i think--that the worst thing about this illness is all the time, the ennui, but that the second worst thing is remembering what once was. i concur with that! a nurse in a pain mgmt group said, "at least you have good memories..." is it really enough to sustain us, i wonder? sometimes, yes, mostly no. :>>(((