apology

Photo by Jamie Rood (permission pending). Jamie took this photograph somewhere in the Texas panhandle.

for Stephen

we hopped into your 50s chev
and away we went
you from your french horn
second seat miami orchestra
me from my boredom and wrath

you were 25
and i was just 15
yet i made you love me
to follow my every command
by exercising your anxieties

you were so easy to
jerk around

i channeled god
as we road the north
florida borders
the scent of jasmine
wafted in and found us

yet i felt nothing
but heat and death
and wanted nothing less
as we disappeared
into texas

helotes that tiny town
with so many men
your army friend who
laughed at you and left
we never knew where

i told you about the
apocalypse and you
bought every word of it
but little did you know
that i was going under

under the knife
as i seized and cramped:
in the recovery room
i called out your name
i want my husband!

i gave you religion
and you gave me
gonorrhea
i suppose i deserved it
for using you that way

but the scar is still there
after 40 years