She wanted to break the rules rearrange the living room put a big crack in the neurotic mirror of her mother's house beautiful She wanted dust to accrue and love to accumulate to dance naked with Isadora Duncan die flaming with Sarah Bernhardt never be afraid of anything or anyone She wanted pancakes for supper a yard full of honeysuckle life in another language and who the hell cared if it was perfect perfect what was perfect what was perfect was perfect was perfect was always perfect what was not was punctiglio
I first had to save my body and now I'm working on saving my soul Two years ago I packed my poetry into a box a few pictures of my sons some books, my favorite film and I ran away from sixteen years of pain and illness I hurt a lot of people in the process the man I'd lived with for twenty years my children, my mother Even today, none of them understand it They've forgotten about my suffering and I realize now they never grasped it If I had stayed, I would still be on seven medications, counting the infernal days waiting to die, in constant pain But I saved my life rose from the ashes flew to Greece threw the bag of meds in the trash swam in the healing waters of Thermopyles and tried to forgive myself
