lundi 27 mai 2013

lost day

those days when
you don't know
where to begin

the emptiness
surrounding you
like a chicken coop

a list
an action
anything at all

to make the blood
course again
to push back the stress

to be able to say
i did something today
i did something ...

samedi 25 mai 2013

Out of the Insanity

"You're as insane as the rest of them,"
the silence tells me.
"You're not special."

Somehow this is comforting to me
as I melt into the walls of
the back bedroom.

Sometime ago, I ran away from a life
that was thrust on me
like an avalanche.

I spent 16 painful years,
then lost a lot of weight
and quit eating wheat things.

Yes, I got my will back
albeit by giving it away
but I'm not done yet:

Something is screaming at me to

run even faster now because
insanity is catching

And I'm so susceptible:
Action is nice but action's not enough
when it isn't human.

Underneath it all
like a loaded pistol
your diction

And my freedom
won from the bottom up
is all I have left

mercredi 15 mai 2013

night rhapsody

so much daylight in a day
my own face is revealed to me
sallow and blemished

when nighttime comes
i pull the sheet over my head
and become fully invisible

birds are still singing
orange trees are still blooming
cars go roaring by my apartment

i hear, see, taste and smell
in that third eye that
sleeps above the world

lundi 13 mai 2013

Missing You

I've got to get a life,
somebody else's perhaps,
for mine is fading fast,
its signposts,
its diagnoses,
its daylight.

My child,
sometimes i miss you so much
that i can't feel you,
though i dream you,
hold your little feet,
call you "baby".

Do you miss me like that
late at night when
your anxiety comes on,
relief ten digits away,
clear as a bell my
voice across the wires?

samedi 11 mai 2013

logger meltdown

the logger meltdown is coming
the long haul into anger and despair
our silences deep holes
left by the huge tree trunks
and the unbearable noise in our ears
as we pull a hundred times our weight
through bramble and brush
and roll the logs into the river

we'll be tired and drunk by sundown
if we haven't up and quit

mardi 7 mai 2013

pas de courage

too hard
it's all too hard
and i'm forgetting
what i've always known:
love is nothing

not enough time
to get my act together
not enough strength
to begin again
why bother

when this comfortable
hole is waiting like
an unmade bed
inviting me to
lie down in it

now that's easy
easy as pie
which is not so easy
after all is said and done
it's the crust that counts

taken to the extreme
it's a long road to death
and my patience
is wearing as thin
as my skin

too old
too old to keep up appearances
I was riding on a cloud
but lightning struck
and told me the truth