thanksgiving song

walking the path into darkness
you never know what is coming
but all you can do is walk
and keep walking and deal with
the good and the evil
you meet on the journey

fear must not paralyze you
because it's hills and valleys
and valleys and hills again
and then the sun after the
rainstorm that blew your
life to bits

but that sun feels so good
on your skin
your eyes are brightened
you stand tall and give thanks
for every moment you're free
and for all the good people

because after the storm you know
that you can survive anything
and the gratitude you feel
is boundless and whole
and you know for a fact that
you've been transformed

you know for a fact
that you're human

my appetite is for freedom

i don't know what i want

that much is evident

it's never enough when

my freedom is in question

cold leg of lamb

roast pork 

applesauce

salad with gingered walnuts

it doesn't matter

one taste is as good as an another

when you've lost your freedom

but just get a hint of it again

and everything is back

everything is beautiful

you want to eat it all

then lose it

and it's in the garbage disposal

ground down

and tasteless

un dernier mot

Duel de Brigitte Fontaine

Tu ne me fais pas peur
J'avance en douceur
Sous les orangers en fleur

Tu cherches la bagarre
Oh madame noire
Attention tu vas l'avoir

J'ai des armes qui vont te plaire

Engageons le combat
Une reine un roi
Une lionne et un cobra

A la vie à la mort
Qui est le plus fort ?
On ne le sais pas encore

Deux sorciers
Le bronze et l'acier
Le bronze et l'acier

Un regard lancé
Flèche ou bien fusée
La partie est commencée

Un mot de dédain
Cracher avec soin
Attéri dans ton jardin clos

Je me change en rat
Je me change en chat
Je me change en méchant loup
Je me change en caillou

Je te veux vivant
Tu n'as que du vent

Ton poignard
Comme un goéland
S'est perdu dans le brouillard
Froid

Je défie le roi
Je m'en fous prends moi
Je connais par coeur
Tes numéros de bonne soeur
Tes numéros de bonne soeur

Je t'aime
Je ne te crois pas
Tu n'aimes que toi
Je ne m'aime pas

Je vois en toi
Une ?
Viens je t'emmène un peu plus loin
Je crie dans le feu
La jolie musique
Je maudis ton dieu
Dieu que j'aime tes yeux hérétiques
J'ai les bras cloués
On va nous saigner
Sur ton oranger
Dieu que j'aime ta nudité
Tu me brules et tu me crucifix
Amie
Tu me prends la vie
Et je rends les armes à l'amour

Tu me ne fais pas peur
Tu as pris mon coeur
Je m'incline à toi l'honneur

Stretto Café, Thessaloniki

left Egnatias
right Ionos Dragoumi
left Basileos Irakleiou
sure sure whatever
I missed that one
but that's all right
I'm on Komninon now
and then Tsimiski
walking in the wrong direction
cross the street
double back and
there you are
25 beautiful fruits
in the sun
drinking coffee

my double mind

Image: Sita Sings the Blues by Nina Paley

yes, there's that double mind of mine
the one that's like my mother
the one that's not going to take
any more shit from you

you can criticize me all you want
send me to hell and back
but there's one thing you can't have
and that's my soul in tatters

i'm going to fix my eyes
directly in front in me
and walk out of here
with my head held high

and if that's like my mother
then bless her heart
and bless her soul
and bless her eyes

just feelings

Image by Victoria Tweed

if i wrote a poem tonight 
it would be about finding
a thousand forgivenesses 

it would roar and scratch
lick its wounds and then
saunter off into the jungle

it would jump into the sea
from an 80-foot height and then
rise from blue-green algae

it might open its mouth
breathe from its belly
it would be hissing and yowling

it doesn't matter
whatever it was would be
better than nothing

but i'm not brave tonight
i have no deep wisdom
just feelings

On Thought

Girl with a Book by José Ferraz de Almeida Júnior

Fantasy, it's all fantasy
We live our lives as we dream
make our decisions
strum the strings of mind
plunge blind into the misbegotten
jump for joy in the sublime

I've long ago forgotten
to believe in fate and reason
We pursue our fantasy
like fruit in season
The test of time rests unrelenting
upon the tree of life

Believe and you will see
Project and you will be
Mind above all, fate below
Secure yourself in the afterglow
The senses fade, the will begins
Thought is our begin again

(May 16, 1997)

Lost in the echo

this is my quit smoking song... and a whole lot more! subtitles on the video...
can you dig it? ~L

Sparrow in Hell

I know nothing about
foundations or cellars
I'm not squirreling away
nuts for winter
or laying slabs of concrete
And that storm that's overhead?
Let it bring the best and
brightest lightning
Let it burn this shack to ashes
or shake it from its berth
in middle earth
Let it bleed spirit from
black and blue space
Let hell unleash its nine circles
and let Cerberus bark and yelp to
keep me back from the river Styx
My foot is already passing o'er it
and damn it, as always
as cruel and as fast as disaster
I cannot attach
and I am not afraid

double peine

pour A.B.


la pluie tombe sans cesse
sur ma tête mes pieds glaces
la fleuve columbie dégage
comme un océan
et je me demande
de la patience
pour une fin du monde

à l'archipel de japon
des autres seismes forts
bougent l'un après l'autre
les gens s'embrassent
terrorisés en pleurant
on ne les reproche pas
un instant et tout change

14 mars tu es parti
après avoir disparu
dans tes vêtements
je pensais que j'avais vu
ta main faire signe
mais trop vite
au coin de mes yeux

trois ans déjà
un an que fukushima
crachait de son MOX
il n'y a pas d'antibiotique
pour guérir nos maux
rien ne pouvait pas te sauver
à la fin sans cheveux

nous non plus
nous non plus
laisse la pluie tombe
disant tout
les vagues
sans cesse
sur nos têtes nues

Je ne fume plus - This is not Armageddon

more like new beginnings...

the sea told me
she loved me today
when she swept me up
and made me buoyant

the sky did too
a big blue dahlia
breathing into my skin
an eternal openness

sometimes i think
i can't take anymore
then i cry
and it's over

this is not armageddon
this is an earthsong
this is not armageddon
this is a life that must be lived


 

Je ne fume plus - What I love best

you know what i love best?
the things that are hardest
the things i can't do well
like dance

tell me to go right, i'll go left
i'm movement dyslexic
but i'll dance my heart out
and somehow or other
it will make me feel beautiful

i need to apply that
to "je ne fume plus"
maybe i can learn
to say "no"
and somehow or other
it will make me feel beautiful

Je ne fume plus - Forgiving

okay i loved too much
came too fast
stayed too long
wrought havoc
anything you wanted
you got it

like a superlative
like a gift
repeated in the back
of a minivan
or high above a cliff
falling, failing

sprouting wings now
i'm flying solo
i'm not going anywhere
i'm not coming or going
i'm just standing here
forgiving myself

Je ne fume plus - Astoria Astoria

I'm sitting in an Athens cafe bar
on the corner of Fillelinon and Notara
and it's called Astoria, New York
That's where I was born
56 long years ago to a
Jew who didn't know it
who married a Greek for her fourth marriage
who dragged me around to every
state in the union only to
leave me on foreign doorsteps
when the going got tough
She still expects a lot
but there's something inside me
that just can't be bothered

Somehow I wound up in
Astoria, Oregon in 2001
It wasn't a town I would have chosen
but I struck a deal to stay there 5 years
with my fourth husband
and afterwards we'd move to France
We stayed there 12 years
before he reneged and I left him
clutching to his sad little life
and searching his third wife
I guess we addicts never give up
looking for perfect love
And my kids, surveying all the damage
they just can't be bothered

ωραία! (oréa!) my beautiful "astoria" salad.

Je ne fume plus - Take no prisoners

I'm not going to blame you
you're as much a prisoner
in this game as I am
this game that is no game
because there are no winners
no losers, just cruisers, actors

I have no idea who you are
how could I after only a year
with all the running to and fro
blood hot, blood cold
because I could not sit still
because you stood your ground

I was never what you wanted
a few pieces that were pliable
if I tried hard enough
I might fit inside this berth
travelling at 50,000 mph
but I don't want to

No I don't want to do this anymore
somewhere there's a star above
and it's calling my name, Laura
and it's hollering, Stop!
and it's deep deep deep in myself
and it is myself

Je ne fume plus – Deserts

Where will the metaphor take me next,

Iceland, Paris, Tibet?

So many deserts of loneliness.

I came to Greece

on court and spark:

No one could stop me.

You can have anything you want

if you're willing to

sell your soul for it.

Je ne fume plus - In My Dreams

In my dreams
I can smoke a million cigarettes
and it doesn't matter
In my dreams
I can touch your cheek
and you smile back at me
My grandson waves
through the curtains
My old Siamese
climbs into my lap
Venus still sets
over the Acropolis

There are days
I don't want to wake up
When day dreams
aren't enough
Yet I go on
and on and on and on
in spite of myself
Set the mechanical heart
Break an egg into a cup
Sweep, mop, wash and brush
Then fold myself up
ready for my dreams

Je ne fume plus - Evening

When the day is done
sadness comes
like ruinous 
like heavy
like undone

I climb into bed
and the thoughts rain down
until I'm drowning
and all i can wish for
is a swimming lesson

the horizon is lost
purple to dark
under coverlets
with music in my ears
to remind me of

everything i've done
everything i didn't do
how i was never enough
and now how alone i am
because of it

je ne fume plus
in the evenings
nothing can help
this sadness
so I must go with it

when i wake 
before dawn
i'll shake it from my hips
and detach my lips
from its kisses

Je ne fume plus - High Noon

A hundred degrees on my head,
a splitting headache--
Split me down the middle
and set free all the rage,
the grief, the regrets
that crowd around
these screaming neurons.

I've had enough of you,
oh my children...
I wove your boundless bodies,
birthed you, twisted you
so many times around my fingers,
my hands might fall off.
Even if you are my own inventions
I'm sick to death of this:
I wish the best for you,
Can you wish the best for me?
Can we be friends now?

Split me down the middle
empty me of all the
sullen push and pull
I practiced for so long,
I sucked into my lungs,
I swallowed like a whore,
then fill me with
enough joy and will
that I might go on.

Je ne fume plus - Waking

A million new memories
break upon the rocky shore
of my resonating body--
I'm waking up in a dream about
doing things without cigarettes,
completing an action,
finding a rest stop,
pausing to take in the emptiness of
long silences I can still abide.
My arms lie at my sides,
my feet are on a pillow:
the whole world seems inverted.
I sigh as I realize that old memories 
will cling to neurotransmitters
and leak upon my bed 
until I rise and apply 
what might be called forgetting
but better yet is called begetting
because je ne fume plus is an action
more than a thought 
and must be practiced.
So I get up and live
my newest history.

Kate Bush - Snowflake

for Joseph...

"The world is so loud. Keep falling. I'll find you."

lost day

those days when
you don't know
where to begin

the emptiness
surrounding you
like a chicken coop

a list
an action
anything at all

to make the blood
course again
to push back the stress

to be able to say
i did something today
i did something ...

Out of the Insanity

"You're as insane as the rest of them,"
the silence tells me.
"You're not special."

Somehow this is comforting to me
as I melt into the walls of
the back bedroom.

Sometime ago, I ran away from a life
that was thrust on me
like an avalanche.

I spent 16 painful years,
then lost a lot of weight
and quit eating wheat things.

Yes, I got my will back
albeit by giving it away
but I'm not done yet:

Something is screaming at me to
run even faster now because
insanity is catching

And I'm so susceptible:
Action is nice but action's not enough
when it isn't human.

Underneath it all
like a loaded pistol
your diction

And my freedom
won from the bottom up
is all I have left

night rhapsody

so much daylight in a day
my own face is revealed to me
sallow and blemished

when nighttime comes
i pull the sheet over my head
and become fully invisible

birds are still singing
orange trees are still blooming
cars go roaring by my apartment

i hear, see, taste and smell
in that third eye that
sleeps above the world

Missing You

I've got to get a life,
somebody else's perhaps,
for mine is fading fast,
its signposts,
its diagnoses,
its daylight.

My child,
sometimes i miss you so much
that i can't feel you,
though i dream you,
hold your little feet,
call you "baby".

Do you miss me like that
late at night when
your anxiety comes on,
relief ten digits away,
clear as a bell my
voice across the wires?

logger meltdown

the logger meltdown is coming
the long haul into anger and despair
our silences deep holes
left by the huge tree trunks
and the unbearable noise in our ears
as we pull a hundred times our weight
through bramble and brush
and roll the logs into the river

we'll be tired and drunk by sundown
if we haven't up and quit

pas de courage

too hard

it's all too hard

and i'm forgetting

what i've always known:

love is nothing

not enough time

to get my act together

not enough strength

to begin again

why bother

when this comfortable

hole is waiting like

an unmade bed

inviting me to

lie down in it

now that's easy

easy as pie

which is not so easy

after all is said and done

it's the crust that counts

taken to the extreme

it's a long road to death

and my patience

is wearing as thin

as my skin

too old

too old to keep up appearances

I was riding on a cloud

but lightning struck

and told me the truth

skin division

http://tylerpreece.tumblr.com/

running my nails down your back
i picked up coconut flakes and corpuscles
mud and diamonds, salt and iron
all the dna i would ever need
to love or accuse or become you:

for love knows no direction
in its first passionate seconds
except the transfer of skin
and whether it dies or lives
is a question of division:

will i be more myself tomorrow
than i was before we paired
or will i lose myself in you
and strangle this affair?

and do you see me as the bride
who has so much to do
or was i made to placate you
and all your changing moods?

the questions are exponential
and never written in code
it's a miracle we divide at all
with such pathetic souls

beneath my nails, your skin turns
from fairy dust to globules
thickens and combines with
the callouses on my fingertips:
there is no scraping you away